Feeling politically incorrect today - so sue me

Jokes forwarded from my Texas friend.
I just wanted a few little laughs today.
Don't really sue me - I am up to my cheeks in litigation already - Ribonuff

10 Thoughts to Ponder
# 10 - Life is sexually transmitted.
# 9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
# 8 - Men have two emotions - Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
# 7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
# 6 - Some people are like a Slinky. They are not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
# 5 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
# 4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
# 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
# 2 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. Go Figure!

AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR 2007:
We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration?

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
You're walking down a deserted street with your spouse and two small children. Suddenly, a terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises his God, raises the knife, and charges at you.
You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?

Democrat's Answer
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my spouse think? What about the kids?

This post ©reated by Ribonuff on October 17, 2007.
P.S. I am a legal immigrant, now citizen.