October 24, 2011 morning notes

We got back Sunday afternoon, October 23. It was a successful trip. I also may eventually do some more growing up, too. I felt I was nearly constantly pleasant and loving on my trip. Everyone else seemed to be, too, for the greatest part.

I must admit, I've kept seeing things I need to improve in myself, this past month or so, and of course, longer - when I would look at another person and find myself passing judgment on them in areas I need to make progress in. This fall, this has been a helpful and useful exercise, and I have made some improvements. I am still very sad, a lot, but I also get to share repeated love with my family and animals and friends and others around me, so that helps me accept myself as an improving work in progress, moment by moment, and helps me not to be too hard on myself in any particular moment.

I took all the current cats into the yard for a long gardening bout as soon as I got home, and they loved that after being cooped up - but I was also (again and always) very sad about missing Posey kitty, who knew every bush in our yard and spent many hours each day with me, either darting through those bushes or "helping" me with my inside chores. I never wanted to leave the house, barely, that whole year I had her - and not in a bad or deprived way. I just felt that she was so precious that I didn't hardly want to spend any time away from her, when I could be doing things With her and enjoying her kitten year learning and playing together. There was no love lost between us - in the original sense; all the original love was Still Right There. Anyway, since we had Posey kitty, I still did my exercises in a committed fashion and was pleased with myself in several ways about that - having left the house at those times - but by the time I would leave the house, I had already greeted Posey kitty and started our day together for an hour, and she maybe got some more rest while I was gone, until I came back and she started round 2 of her morning, making the pleasant chore rounds with me. My oldest and longest-loved cat has been purring virtually nonstop since I got back. This is somewhat unusual behavior for her, that she should purr so non-stop (though curled up in her usual spot at my left foot). Her behavior helped me feel special and loved.

So you see, I was having some meaningful thoughts about self-improvement, and feeling loved and somewhat accepted by a number of people Despite my weaknesses, so I felt I really wanted to keep giving good stuff and better stuff to the people around me. My original family is nearly gone, in some ways, but I got invited and warmly welcomed to be a part of my spouse's family - they have accepted me for around 20 years (the whole time). They are always loyal. So I guess I am doing well in many ways, at the moment, and feel grateful that I can still change some things for the better - there's no current evidence of some dread disease or permanent infirmity on my part, and I still have my strength and good will, at least in part - so it's good that I get to keep trying - to keep fighting the good fight - and I hope similar things are true for you and your family, too.

Thanks for reading and caring. You are a lifelong friend, and I am grateful for your continued trust and goodwill. Have a good day. Good regards,

Anna